I"ve been AWOL here for months (months?!) and since I'm so damn sleepy at work, I might as well start writing again. My life has been insanely busy. Our school just got reviewed. They asked me to print out and file all school documents of last and this year. But they only give me 1.5 weeks to do so. The idea was to print out everything on the server and then file them under different titles. And then BY THE WAY, check to see if all the documents are in the server and inform people-in-charge to collect those missing documents. This lovely BY THE WAY made my job a whole lot more complicated. By the time I know about this assignment (which they should've and could've inform me 2 months ago) I got less than a week before Easter holidays start. So I can have collect all soft copies of documents before everyone goes on vacation. In theory, I only have to tell like 8 PIC what documents are missing and they will collect them. But then when I ask PIC No. 1, he asked me to find and collect the documents myself. And PIC No. 2 were always too busy to care about the review. So basically I have to collect all documents by myself. I have to track down like 20+ people and ask them to hand me the soft copies. Then, I've spent exactly 4.5 days (with an overtime day) to print out everything. I have a lovely colleague that help me file most of the documents. And I must have printed out 3000 sheets of paper. The funny thing is, since the documents are "confidential" (which is bullshit, coz if you can let other people who are not working here to review and read all those documents, nothing is truely confidential), I'm the only small potato that have access to all those documents, which means I have to print them all out by my own self.
Seriously, 1.5 weeks, literally 9 days, is unnecessarily rush. The documents are 80% ready by February. They should just let me know I have to do that job. And did I mention that NO ONE inform me ever that I have such duty? I'm super pissed that jobs were assigned to me through email (so "respectful") and now I'm the last person to know I have such duty to do. Nice. That put me in a tremendous amount of stress and tiredness that totally broke me down mentally and physically.
I'm super glad that it's all over and there's only 11 school days left. That means 11 detentions to go. I joked with my colleagues that we need to have a buffet celebration when I'm done. Detention these days are getting brutal. It was calm for like 2 weeks, and things get shitty again. I have 91 students in detention yesterday. What the fuck is going on? All the crazy ADHD shitty students are there fucking the place up. I always put my game face on when I step into the school. But I have a fight face on when I'm stepping in the detention area (it's not even legit room). But of course I have to calm myself down when stuff happen. And it usually turns out okay. This whole thing is a huge challenge for me which I'm probably gonna be glad I had few years from now. So I'm not totally hating it. I just can't wait for it to be over.
My weightloss progress is almost a totally failure. I stopped counting calories long long time ago. It's hard to pick it up again, esp. when I'm super busy with life and I just wanna give myself a break when I got home. My mental state is quite messy. I can't seem to understand why I do anything and it's like I'm sleepwalking the minute I step out of school. So it's like I'm having one giant humongous long day without any break. Coz I can't remember what I did during down time. I let myself not going to the gym because I get off work at 7-7:30pm for a week. That kinda make things worse. But it's really hard for me to workout.
My whole body right now is feeling like it's about to get sick. I've been feeling that for weeks. My back and ankles are starting to hurt. My face is breaking out like Icelandic volcano. I have headaches at the end of the day almost everyday. I'm on the verge of having a cold. I can't think. I can't sleep well. I'm gaining weight like 2-3 pounds a week. It's shit. This is no way to live.
Things are pretty much the same even when things are calming down on my end. I'm worried that my body is used to this state and can never snap out of it. The culprit is having limited amount of sleep with really bad quality.
This job is really not that bad. I can slack like this and write a whole entry of blog. I don't really have a deadline of anything unless it's really urgent. I can choose my way of doing things. My colleagues are super supportive and lovely. Working with good people is probably the only reason whey we stay at our jobs. I just need to take super good care of myself.
I have a really long to-do list for me to finish in order to slowly make my dreams / goals come true. I can't seem to focus these days and it's really frustrating. I probably need to sleep for a week and then sit down and write an implementation plan. Unfortunately I don't have that sweet time to do so. What can I do to compromise then? I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm also trying to figure out why I want to go to Australia for a year (or less than a year actually). My parents ask me about it. My friends ask me. Even people at the WHV talk ask such question. Why? Why do you need any reason to do anything? I just wanna live in a foreign country for a year. It's always been my dream to study aboard and since my parents didn't let me do it, I should do it for myself before I become a bitter, whiny bitch and hate everyone around me. Of course my ultimate goal is to study aboard in United States. I guess it's a little test run to see if I can do it or not. I understand the reason why we have to have a solid reason / goal to go on such journey. I know that when things get rough and I've lost perspective, I need that solid reason / goal to save my ass. Or else I'll book the next available flight back home.
I've rename this blog "Caffeine and Panadol". That's my current life.
Image copied from tumblr
I totally agree with you, you don't need a reason! That's why I am going to Japan, I know it probably doesn't help me with career or anything, but it's just something I want to do while still can!! I want travel and experience different things!!
I fully support you!!:)
And hope you'll feel better soon!!^^
Posted by: Jo | May 05, 2010 at 12:09